THE HERMIONE SYNDROME
Forsaking that first place.
Who here was good in school? Answering every question, passing every exam. I was. It wasn’t always easy, but I was good at it.
And oh, have I carried this into adulthood. Into motherhood. Every appointment, every application – I want to answer correctly. Every health professional, every childcare expert – I try to get their approval. Am I parenting well? Have I passed the test?
I didn’t think I was behaving like that, until I realised – that’s because I had not been tested yet. It had all been going more or less well. Well, you know. It’s real life, so not always well. But I’ve been lucky, and I’ve faced most of my challenges internally.
Not anymore. With the bumps and bangs of toddler life, the reality of schedules and work and daily life, I’m starting to feel like I’m not the fastest, or the most effective of mothers. Even worse, my child is not the fastest. That’s when the wheels get turning. I should have done things differently. I failed at this! I failed at that. And why do I care? Why, why, can’t I be more chill?
I’ve been thinking about the power of mediocrity earlier this year. But I still can’t fully embrace it. I don’t need to be the best in all areas, but I sure like to do well in the parts of life that matter to me – and the same goes for my child. But I know that’d be a good thing to get rid of.
I know it. Now, can I do it?
Oh I feel this! I always have to come back to an old 2017 article from the NYT "it's great to suck at surfing" and how I remind myself of the pleasure of newness.
They write "In the words of the Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki, “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind, there are few.” When I surf, I live in the possibility....
.....Maybe sucking at something where the stakes are low can lead us to a better place. Maybe it could be a kind of a medicine for the epidemic cocksureness in our culture. Seeing ourselves repeatedly doing something we suck at — no matter how trivial — might make us a bit more sympathetic to how hard so many things really are: trying to navigate health issues, listening to our neighbors, improving the economy or mitigating relations with hostile nations.By exposing ourselves to the experience of trying and failing we might develop more empathy."
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/28/opinion/its-great-to-suck-at-surfing.html