THE MOTHER’S SPECIAL
“The first year of your baby, you’re a mom, and only a mom.”
THAT, that kind of comment, that’s the kind of s*** I started FRAUENPARKPLATZ for. The worst part is, whoever told me this this week meant really well. They’re kind, they’re a health professional, and they have kids. So they know things I don’t, right? Is that what’s expecting me? A year of complete selflessness? A loss of my identity, and a transformation beyond my control?
To date, nobody has told my daughter’s dad anything like this. I mean, he’s been told he’s “a parent now” and that sort of stuff. But – the identity lost, the complete devotion – no. That’s the mother’s special.
If I pause, and try to think calmly about it, I can see it. Of course, motherhood is changing me. Of course, my new priority, our new priority, above all else – it’s the baby. But that doesn’t mean I’ve ditched my old self either. I worked hard for 36 years to become a person I like – why leave her behind?
Most days, it would be easier to give in. It’s a bit of a drag to keep up with myself on half the sleep and twice the hormones. I have to do things slower, and be gentler. But I don’t want to give up. I want both. The old and the new.
“The moment you become a mother, you are accosted with advice,” says Catherine Reitman, the creator of Workin Moms.
“Some of it fits. Most of it doesn’t. There is only one thing that’s ever held true to me: The best mother you can be, must include the dimensions you developed before having kids.”